OK so my daughter and her boyfriend broke up...I'm of two minds about it I glad to see the turd go but at the same time i hate that she hurts....(she has too much to accomplish to worry about boys anyway I need a Vet in the family...lol)
She had her wallet with $30.00 bucks in it stolen, along with her cell phone (what a nightmare that's going to be....already called and cancelled the service to her #...now the cost of replacing it)
on the plus side she won a medal for her OAP, and a snake deal i had in the works has apparently come through...not to mention My amazon tree boas, and the wife's' spotted pythons and her Beauty snakes have been knocking boots for some time so, maybe we will have some hatchlings this year after all...
My dog has vanished we have not seen him for a few days now, this seems to be a pattern here with dogs going missing out here in the boonies (this is the second one to go missing I did however find the first one dead from an apparent snake bite)
the wife has been so tired from her new work duties that i have literally only spent 3 hours with her in the last two days (which really sucks..unlike some husbands i actually enjoy my wife's company we were friends first after all)
The son (Tyler) and i spent the day piddling around town checking out stuff for the gals for Valentines Day and shopping for lumber to build new snake cages with, and helping me wash and dry some cypress for some cages i had already built and needed to finish. I also showed him a couple of judo take downs which his mother wasn't to happy about but her a little bonding never hurt anything...lol. He was a huge help in the snake room on Saturday cut my cleaning and feeding time down to 4 hours instead of 6....I gave him a dollar coin which he spent today poor kid just like me burning a hole in his pocket gotta spend it!)
all in all a typical weekend here at the old homestead...lol
Later...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Life in General
I constantly hear teenagers remark that adults don't have a clue how hard life is for them in today's society....lol seriously try being a parent in today's society....
When I was a kid i took off at fist light and as long as i was home for dinner me and mom were cool, she had no idea where i was or what i was doing.....today I make my daughter call me every couple of hours and tell me where she is, what she is doing, and who she is with (without running up my cell bill to the level of the national deficit). I have to constantly monitor her computer habits to make sure she isn't being stalked in a chat room or downloading a virus onto the computer that is supposed to make my life easier.....she has "friends" that are 13 and 14 having babies...."friends" that have already overdosed or being arrested for being drunk in public, or running away from home cause their second or third step dad is beating the shit out of them, and friends that are making themselves throw up cause they think they are too fat.
I have to trust that what i have taught her and warned her about have taken hold and have been understood because lets face it i can't be with her every second of every day can i? but hopefully my words are.
She called her mom last night saying that she and her boyfriend "broke-up"....I had to stop myself from doing the happy dance for a minute and consider things from her viewpoint. This is her first "real" crush and i can remember first real break-up and it sucked! but at the same time she is 15 and she has her whole life and plenty of boys ahead of her. I mean seriously in a few months is going to make one bit of difference? it might but i seriously doubt it. Teenagers seem to forget that we were once their age, and we lived through it to get to where we are today!
She is involved in the drama department at school and her group won first place at their OAP today she called very happy and excited..It was nice to hear her happy for a change.
Being a teenager is hard?....try being a Father....
Later...
When I was a kid i took off at fist light and as long as i was home for dinner me and mom were cool, she had no idea where i was or what i was doing.....today I make my daughter call me every couple of hours and tell me where she is, what she is doing, and who she is with (without running up my cell bill to the level of the national deficit). I have to constantly monitor her computer habits to make sure she isn't being stalked in a chat room or downloading a virus onto the computer that is supposed to make my life easier.....she has "friends" that are 13 and 14 having babies...."friends" that have already overdosed or being arrested for being drunk in public, or running away from home cause their second or third step dad is beating the shit out of them, and friends that are making themselves throw up cause they think they are too fat.
I have to trust that what i have taught her and warned her about have taken hold and have been understood because lets face it i can't be with her every second of every day can i? but hopefully my words are.
She called her mom last night saying that she and her boyfriend "broke-up"....I had to stop myself from doing the happy dance for a minute and consider things from her viewpoint. This is her first "real" crush and i can remember first real break-up and it sucked! but at the same time she is 15 and she has her whole life and plenty of boys ahead of her. I mean seriously in a few months is going to make one bit of difference? it might but i seriously doubt it. Teenagers seem to forget that we were once their age, and we lived through it to get to where we are today!
She is involved in the drama department at school and her group won first place at their OAP today she called very happy and excited..It was nice to hear her happy for a change.
Being a teenager is hard?....try being a Father....
Later...
Saturday, January 20, 2007
New Day
Well I had a much better day today I didn't hate the world when i opened my eyes.....
Spent most of the day cleaning cages and feeding my babies...I love spending time in the snake room for the most part.
My daughter actually did her chores today without having to be reminded or told it was a bright spot for a moment until i realized she wanted something....ah teenagers gotta love em'
I made one of my famous dishes for dinner tonight....I start with a boneless whole chicken breast which i pan sear, then i stuff it with caramelized sweet onions, sugar cured bacon, and portabello mushrooms and smoked provolone and bake. Once out of the oven i top it off with a special honey mustard vidilia onion sauce. The wife says it almost as good as sex..lol
i'm sitting here watching Rob Zombies' House of a Thousand Corpses....i had to watch it a few times to appreciate it...the first time around i thought it was a simple shock flick....however about the third time around i begin to see under the exterior and see things i didn't see before....
I'm going to go now and climb into the warm bed with my wife before she gets up to get ready for work and prepare to deal with the next day.
later...
Spent most of the day cleaning cages and feeding my babies...I love spending time in the snake room for the most part.
My daughter actually did her chores today without having to be reminded or told it was a bright spot for a moment until i realized she wanted something....ah teenagers gotta love em'
I made one of my famous dishes for dinner tonight....I start with a boneless whole chicken breast which i pan sear, then i stuff it with caramelized sweet onions, sugar cured bacon, and portabello mushrooms and smoked provolone and bake. Once out of the oven i top it off with a special honey mustard vidilia onion sauce. The wife says it almost as good as sex..lol
i'm sitting here watching Rob Zombies' House of a Thousand Corpses....i had to watch it a few times to appreciate it...the first time around i thought it was a simple shock flick....however about the third time around i begin to see under the exterior and see things i didn't see before....
I'm going to go now and climb into the warm bed with my wife before she gets up to get ready for work and prepare to deal with the next day.
later...
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Cold
I'm beginning to understand my father just a little.....I never could figure out why he never wanted to come home from work and now i think i know why. He wasn't important at home. What i mean by that is the house ran without him. Mom did the house work, i mowed the lawn and took out the trash and fed the dogs, my siblings had their own chores etc. in essence all he was required to do was bring home a paycheck and do the occasional "honey do". At work he was important, he mattered, he had a purpose and a function. Sometimes i would go for a week or so and never see him. I never understood why he got upset when we all went to do our things...and now i know, he was never included or asked to be included because we all assumed he would be working. He wanted to do things with us but by that time we had all made plans which obviously didn't include him because he was at work!
well now i'm wearing that same hat...shit happens around here and i don't find out about it until after its happened...when i am home I'm in the way here because they have their activities already planned. And they can't seem to understand why i get upset when these plans don't fit around my schedule....they simply just don't consider me as important. My son threw a hissy fit today because i asked him to get off the computer so i could check my e-mail and bank account before i had to go to work...he had the entire rest of the day to play his video games....but because i interrupted his schedule he became upset, i ended up having to spank him and ground him from the computer....when all i needed was 15 minutes.....great way to start my day....but its just an example...my dughter is at that age where she never wants to be home which is fine i suppose, except she expects me to drop everything i'm doing on my days off to be a taxi driver and cater to her every whim, forget the fact that i'm at home doing shit nobody else would do while i was at work, including her chores which she didn't bother to do before she left.
I only get to see my wife about 20 to 25 hours a week and she dosen't seem to understand why i get bent out of shape when she makes plans to do other things during the only time i get to see her...apparently she doesn't feel the same way about me that i do about her. Apparently i'm not supposed to have feelings, wants, wishes, desires, or opinions on anything in their lives and when i happen to voice one i'm instantly an asshole. Simply because i wasn't here i'm not supposed to become involved in discipline or anything else around the house except laundry, dishes, paying the bills, or driving friends home.
no one should feel like i feel now, i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. I feel invisible, unimportant, unwanted, and useless. It sucks, i guess i'm doomed to be my father.... work myself to death and have nothing to show for it. He now spends his time off sitting in his easy chair in front of the television with a diet caffeine free Dr. Pepper (high blood pressure) in one hand and a cigar in the other being ignored. I don't go to visit him very often as i don't feel comfortable talking to him we are just to far apart now but apparently have much more in common than i thought.
I don't know why i write this shit nobody reads it and nobody cares. If i didn't come home how long would it take before they noticed? they don't seem to miss me now would they notice at all?
oh well....at least they miss me at work...when i'm not there the shit piles up...they notice that.
well now i'm wearing that same hat...shit happens around here and i don't find out about it until after its happened...when i am home I'm in the way here because they have their activities already planned. And they can't seem to understand why i get upset when these plans don't fit around my schedule....they simply just don't consider me as important. My son threw a hissy fit today because i asked him to get off the computer so i could check my e-mail and bank account before i had to go to work...he had the entire rest of the day to play his video games....but because i interrupted his schedule he became upset, i ended up having to spank him and ground him from the computer....when all i needed was 15 minutes.....great way to start my day....but its just an example...my dughter is at that age where she never wants to be home which is fine i suppose, except she expects me to drop everything i'm doing on my days off to be a taxi driver and cater to her every whim, forget the fact that i'm at home doing shit nobody else would do while i was at work, including her chores which she didn't bother to do before she left.
I only get to see my wife about 20 to 25 hours a week and she dosen't seem to understand why i get bent out of shape when she makes plans to do other things during the only time i get to see her...apparently she doesn't feel the same way about me that i do about her. Apparently i'm not supposed to have feelings, wants, wishes, desires, or opinions on anything in their lives and when i happen to voice one i'm instantly an asshole. Simply because i wasn't here i'm not supposed to become involved in discipline or anything else around the house except laundry, dishes, paying the bills, or driving friends home.
no one should feel like i feel now, i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. I feel invisible, unimportant, unwanted, and useless. It sucks, i guess i'm doomed to be my father.... work myself to death and have nothing to show for it. He now spends his time off sitting in his easy chair in front of the television with a diet caffeine free Dr. Pepper (high blood pressure) in one hand and a cigar in the other being ignored. I don't go to visit him very often as i don't feel comfortable talking to him we are just to far apart now but apparently have much more in common than i thought.
I don't know why i write this shit nobody reads it and nobody cares. If i didn't come home how long would it take before they noticed? they don't seem to miss me now would they notice at all?
oh well....at least they miss me at work...when i'm not there the shit piles up...they notice that.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Still Raining
My Daughter had her 15th birthday tonight and I had to work so i missed the whole damn thing...story of my life (and there is no cake left)
Once when i was a small child i went shopping with my mother, we went to sears and i had a bad habit of climbing into the middle of those circular clothing racks to hide...i did it all the time and as long as i didn't pull down any of the clothes no one really seemed to mind. On this particular outing however my mother went into one of the dressing rooms to try on some clothes and i lost her...suddenly a world that used to make sense and a world that felt safe and secure was frightening and lonely as hell.....I remember that day vividly! eventually my mother found me and everything was right with the world again. I feel that way now, I feel lost and disconnected. I feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. I feel like a stranger in my own life. I seem to just be going through the motions most days.
on a bright note i did amuse myself this weekend with a new toy. My daughter got a 2 gig MP3 player for Christmas and naturally my son wants to be cool like his big sister. So as we were out shopping for her birthday this weekend i spotted a USB flash drive/MP3 player combo on clearance so i bought two (hey they were a really good price) basically you just plug it into your USB slot open your windows media player and drag and drop the songs you want onto the drive. It only holds about 60 songs but it made him happy and it was very easy to use, he can even make his own play lists and put them on himself without the hassle of converting files etc. so i travelled a little down memory lane and made my own play lists. Its a cool little gadget and i can plug it into my car stereo..best 15.00 bucks i have ever spent so far.
also one of the new snakes i have been stressing over finally ate!
maybe my mood will improve when the rain finally stops
maybe i just don't deserve to be happy
somedays if it weren't for the kids or my wonderful wife i'm sure i might not make it
Later...
Once when i was a small child i went shopping with my mother, we went to sears and i had a bad habit of climbing into the middle of those circular clothing racks to hide...i did it all the time and as long as i didn't pull down any of the clothes no one really seemed to mind. On this particular outing however my mother went into one of the dressing rooms to try on some clothes and i lost her...suddenly a world that used to make sense and a world that felt safe and secure was frightening and lonely as hell.....I remember that day vividly! eventually my mother found me and everything was right with the world again. I feel that way now, I feel lost and disconnected. I feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. I feel like a stranger in my own life. I seem to just be going through the motions most days.
on a bright note i did amuse myself this weekend with a new toy. My daughter got a 2 gig MP3 player for Christmas and naturally my son wants to be cool like his big sister. So as we were out shopping for her birthday this weekend i spotted a USB flash drive/MP3 player combo on clearance so i bought two (hey they were a really good price) basically you just plug it into your USB slot open your windows media player and drag and drop the songs you want onto the drive. It only holds about 60 songs but it made him happy and it was very easy to use, he can even make his own play lists and put them on himself without the hassle of converting files etc. so i travelled a little down memory lane and made my own play lists. Its a cool little gadget and i can plug it into my car stereo..best 15.00 bucks i have ever spent so far.
also one of the new snakes i have been stressing over finally ate!
maybe my mood will improve when the rain finally stops
maybe i just don't deserve to be happy
somedays if it weren't for the kids or my wonderful wife i'm sure i might not make it
Later...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Rain
Ok so i have been in a bit of a funk lately.....nothing seems as bright, as shiny or as warm as it was before....I don't seem to get as much satisfaction from my favorite things anymore...some days i simply just don't want to leave my bed. I could blame it on the rain and I'm sure it does have a little to do with my bad mood but it's not the only cause...
A gentle rain,
awakens me from my
darkened stupor.
An electric display answers
my epileptic nightmare
of word stream.
I perform
a centuries old ritual
a ballet of pain
with each step
a loss of balance
definitions become blurred
with the use of a hammer and chisel
a state of seeming bedlam
and confused animation
Cryptic designs
crowd the blackness
of my room
An unexpected knock at the door
a sinister second glance
out the window
something is broke inside...
Later i hope...
Sunday, January 07, 2007
OK So it has been quite some time
So shoot me I have been busy....not really lol. I have had a lot to actually blog about however I have been way to invested in these particular topics to put my true and honest feelings down without sounding like a madman. We had a good Yule, My daughter made out like a bandit she got a 2 gig MP3 player as well as a new cell phone (Yes I'm insane i gave a cell phone to a teenage girl..lol). My son Tyler got a new bike as his old one was too small for him these days and his grandmother bought him ramps, platforms and rails to feed his skating habit (which means we don't have to carry him down to the skate park everyday). He also ended up with five different magic kits as his current hero is Chris Angel...he runs around making things vanish and making me pick cards it is cute and just a little annoying. The wife ended up with a new leather coat, and a few new pieces of jewelry which she is still wearing (means she must like them..lol). I got some new jeans and socks (which i really needed...lol) as well as a Cold Steel sword cane (i know but i have always wanted one even if i am only 37 and can't get away with carrying it around just yet...I'm just getting a jump on the future...lol). Work sucks as usual...and everybody here at the house thinks I'm an asshole so.....same old shit different year.
I'll have something good to post about next time i promise!
Later...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
