Still Raining

My Daughter had her 15th birthday tonight and I had to work so i missed the whole damn thing...story of my life (and there is no cake left)

Once when i was a small child i went shopping with my mother, we went to sears and i had a bad habit of climbing into the middle of those circular clothing racks to hide...i did it all the time and as long as i didn't pull down any of the clothes no one really seemed to mind. On this particular outing however my mother went into one of the dressing rooms to try on some clothes and i lost her...suddenly a world that used to make sense and a world that felt safe and secure was frightening and lonely as hell.....I remember that day vividly! eventually my mother found me and everything was right with the world again. I feel that way now, I feel lost and disconnected. I feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. I feel like a stranger in my own life. I seem to just be going through the motions most days.

on a bright note i did amuse myself this weekend with a new toy. My daughter got a 2 gig MP3 player for Christmas and naturally my son wants to be cool like his big sister. So as we were out shopping for her birthday this weekend i spotted a USB flash drive/MP3 player combo on clearance so i bought two (hey they were a really good price) basically you just plug it into your USB slot open your windows media player and drag and drop the songs you want onto the drive. It only holds about 60 songs but it made him happy and it was very easy to use, he can even make his own play lists and put them on himself without the hassle of converting files etc. so i travelled a little down memory lane and made my own play lists. Its a cool little gadget and i can plug it into my car stereo..best 15.00 bucks i have ever spent so far.

also one of the new snakes i have been stressing over finally ate!

maybe my mood will improve when the rain finally stops

maybe i just don't deserve to be happy

somedays if it weren't for the kids or my wonderful wife i'm sure i might not make it

Later...