OK well I just sat down and watched Clerks II. I have to say that since i heard Kevin Smith was making this film i had mixed feelings about it. After all in the original version of Clerks (not the studio version) Dante died! aside from that i have to admit i miss seeing Jay and Silent Bob..they are like and old pair of jeans or and old blanket that you just love and can't quite seem to get rid of no matter how old or worn out they get..these two never cease to make me laugh, and the original clerks is one of my all-time favorite films so why would he want to fuck with perfection? Is he out to make a buck? (although Mallrats is a close second). So anyway I hummed and hawed over it and finally said WTF i will get it and see what the man has wrought. On a side note i ran in to Kevin a few years ago at the San Diego Comic Con when he was there promoting one of his many projects, and I was there trying to pimp a small unknown "indie" comic that i wrote that never went anywhere..lol (Even though my now ex-friend and penciler went on to work for Alan Moore...long story) he is a super nice guy, very down to earth and quite funny i might ad, not to mention he was outside smoking with the "normal people" no attitude like you find in most of the movie and comic types with a household name, which makes me like his work even more but i digress......OK back to the review. While i don't think anyone outside the Askew universe will find the film as satisfying as me, it has its moments. Overall i was very happy with the film, it was good to see that there was finally some closure given to these characters, Randall as always funny as hell and says it like he sees it, Dante was no where near as pathetic as he was in the original, and while i would have like to have seen Jay and Bob get more face time...the movie is really about the relationship between Randall and Dante and i suspect in some way on some level about Kevin and Scott's' relationship as well. I was just a little put off that there wasn't a least one "snootchie" or "snoogins" in the film. If you are a fan of Kevin's' work you can't miss this movie. If your not a fan you will laugh but may not understand the inner workings of the film (Which means you will have to go rent clerks! and if you haven't hand over the keys to your Beemer, take off the polo shirt, get off the ex-cheer leader, put down the tennis racket and get a life cause this shit is funny, albeit in a very male potty humor kind of way i have friends who are these guys, by the way my wife hates them..lol) bottom line see the film its like having a cigarette after great sex! Thanks Kevin I enjoyed myself and its obvious you are a movie fan as well as a director keep up the good work and i'll keep going to see your endeavors. By the way I thought you got screwed with the whole Jersey Girl thing...it was a good, cute movie and i totally got what you were trying to do (just stay way from Ben in the future...lol) oh and the Pillowpants bit had me rolling on the floor for like 20 minutes!

oh and by the way check this out http://www.viewaskew.com/

later...

I am Old!

Ok so my cell contract with my carrier expires this month so, the wife and i decide to re-up and get new phones. Now i don't know how many of you have gone cell phone shopping recently but things have SERIOUSLY changed in the last two years. After 30 minutes in the cell store i was ready to choke somebody...Dual mode, Tri-mode, Quad mode, GSM, Digital, Analog, Blue-tooth. (Do i really need a little piece of plastic and silicone sticking out of my ear simply beacuse i'm too lazy to actually answer the actual phone? Blue what?) Not to mention a whole host of other features...V-cast, Push to talk, GPS, MP-3, VGA camera phone with 4x zoom ,Bluetooth® wireless capable up to 30 feet, Multimedia messaging - Send text, video & photos , Live video capture and playback, Digital audio music player, Clear full-duplex speakerphone, Push to Talk with up to 30 people at once, Sturdy compact design with internal antenna, Media Net internet browsing - one button access, Download Music Tone, ringtones, graphics and games, Instant messaging - AOL®, MSN®, Yahoo! and ICQ®, Mobile email access for POP3 email, Voice dialing and voice memo (are my fingers broke I can't push a button?), Quick iTAP predictive text input (what i can't type or spell anymore?), Unique picture and ringer ID (do i need to see a picture of my great Aunt Clara staring at me in my display to know it is her calling?), wash your underwear, walk your dog, have sex with your wife, babysit your children......blah blah blah blah. Ok I want to be able to make a phone call that's what a phone is for yes? Do i really need to be able to watch tv, check my email, text message my mother, check the score of the football game, take a picture of my wife's' ass in the shower, and surf the Internet all while listening to my favorite Alice Cooper song? Um NO...not to mention all these neat little features cost EXTRA above and beyond your basic monthly bill. Would somebody please tell me why i need my phone to be a two way radio with up to 30 other people when its already a phone? And Why would i pay 10.00 extra for the ability to do so, when all i need do is push a button in the first place anyway? My kids know how to operate all this Shit, I don't and I'm the one with the degree..lol can i just get a phone to make a phone call with please? I have a computer, a CD player, a digital camera, and MP3 Player, a satellite radio receiver, a GPS navigation device etc. Why do i want them on my phone where they chew up the life of my battery and distract me even more from my so called life all while sucking my wallet dry? Mr. Bell is turning over in his grave somewhere right now! and these damn things are going to be the ruin of us all...lol

Arrggghhh yes it happened i am old!

Later...

I hate "Boys"

Ok so my daughter who is just shy of her 15th birthday has brought a "Boy" home for me to meet. Arrgghhh why do they have to grow up? Why can's she play in the mud and carry frogs in her pockets forever? Why can't their daddies be the man in the lives forever, why do they have to notice boys at all? I think i would be more comfortable if she brought home a girl for me to meet (at least then i wouldn't worry about her getting pregnant)! Just means I'm getting old i guess! Anyway he seems to be an ok kid we have the same hairstyle, we like the same music, he plays drums, I play guitar, he rides skateboards, i used to race BMX bikes and motorcross, he has facial piercings and so do I! Kind of scary and weird all in one....I told him as long as he respects me, my wife, our rules, and most importantly my daughter we are cool...and if not well i'll show him Mr. .45 acp and what it can do...lol I think it is neat that she seeks my approval, she even asked me to take it easy on him and not "scare" him too bad as she "Really likes this one"

I don't think I'm going to handle the future very well at all.....she will be driving before long.

No wonder my hair is falling out and turning grey!...lol

Later...

Ever have one of those days where you stop and look around and you just can't stand anything you see? Sometimes i get this tiny little voice way back in the darkest corner of my mind that says "fuck it" escape now while you still can...lol. It's not that i hate my life, far from in in fact...its just some days i think i might be missing something somewhere else. It is like going to the store to buy groceries.... and you pick up the same things you always do, because you know exactly how they taste and you like it, in fact you love it! and some days you see that new product or a differnt brand and you want to try it but you don't because it is too expensive or you do buy it and you hate it and now your stuck with it and it sits in the fridge and goes bad...and your a moron for wasting money and food and kicking yourself cause you didn't listen to that other little voice that said don't buy it.....it isn't as good as your brand! Anyway I'm ranting, i hate fighting, and i'm sick of being sick! and tired of being tired!

A quiet evening at home,

shared with the ghosts

of my past wreckage.

A funeral pyre,

the only source of light

in the darkness that is my soul.

Sacraficial clarification,

ritual self abuse,

masterbatorial rectification,

words of wisdom from a monk

caught in his own moral fiber.

Mental debate,

weakness of fortitude.

The rain falls,

but never reaches the ground.

It collects in stagnant pools,

at the base of my spine,

where it waits to be tapped,

and used for some sinister purpose.

Enough shit for now...

Later...

Finished at last

For those of you that don't know Reptile caging is very expensive..lol In an effort to defray some of that cost and to please my wife's personal taste i have been building my own cages. While i enjoy working with my hands i sometimes get really fristrated when things don't turn out they way i see them in my head. I frequently bitch about not having the proper tools...I suppose that if i were doing this for a living i would invest in said tools. But i do this too infrequently to warrant the cost of specailized power tools. (yes I'm male and i wrote that). Anyway long story short the first of my projects has finally seen completion. Overall I am happy with the results but there are a few things i would/will do differntly the next time around. I hope the animals appreciate it!!

Later...