Life Continues to Suck...

Well I started training in a new area at work...I go in later and come home later...which means i get to bed later and wake up later than i used to. My wife and I work opposite shifts and between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. during the week is the ONLY time we get to spend together. Unfortunately that's also the time she does most of her errands and crap as she works weekends and has the kids everyday after 3:00 p.m. and running errands with two children who don't want to be there running errands is a major pain in the ass...I get it. Now we both have things that need to be done....the difference is a push mine off till the weekends and even then if i can't get them done while she is at work, i do them at night after everyone else has gone to bed. I fear that this dual mode life is putting a undue amount of strain on our already fragile relationship. I'm tired of begging for her time and attention and in her own words..."I'm not high on her list of priorities" I'm almost 40 and i should not have to compete with the TV, the computer, and erroneous errands. Every time I want to have sex its always an excuse of some sort. Her dad just died a few months back too soon and very unexpectedly. She is obviously depressed and she has given up on a great many things, I am now depressed because she is depressed and it does not make for a good combination. She has no joy in her life thus i have no joy in mine...it has become very tedious to get out of bed each day and go to a job i hate. What is the point in working hard and paying bills when i have nothing to show for it other than bills? I love her very much, but i'm very tired of seemingly being the only one who is trying....throw an insane angry teenager daughter into the mix who hates everybody and everything in her life (especially me apparently) and i can't win....she always takes her daughters side no matter what, i'm always the asshole, i'm always the bad guy, i'm always the one that is wrong.....

we don't talk about the future much anymore, in fact we don't much of anything but pass each other and argue, i cry in the shower, i cry on the way to work, i'm crying now....

Tired and uninspired
as of late
i frequently contemplate my navel
and its many virtues

recently i was
warned to remember
time flies
and Death comes to visit us all

One of the many reasons
not to take life seriously
or maybe a reason to fight
who knows
certainly not me

Love laugh
and be happy

somebody should...

I feel alone in the universe...unwanted...unloved....and not needed
no one should feel this way ever....

don't know why i bother other than to keep track of my thoughts and vent since no one else listens, no one reads, and no one cares....

Later...