Life Sucks!

I feel hollow, lonely, sad, isolated, angry, unloved, and unappreciated....I might actually end it if i had the balls. I don't however, and nobody would care one way or the other, and that is probably what hurts most. There would be nobody to cry at my funeral, nobody to laugh, nobody to piss on my grave, in essence no one would notice if i just simply vanished...

My daughter told me today she wishes that i would get in a wreck and die....said she hates me....funny thing is i love her and wish her well although i believe her to be doomed. I wish i could give her a hug and take all her pain away and make the world better but i can't because i see the world the same way she does a giant shit hole that sucks the life and marrow out of all of us.

I love my wife more that i have ever loved any woman including my mother, but i also hate her. I thought she was different that all the other women that have come into my life..in many ways she is but in many ways she is much worse. We argued today about moving to a new place to start over as our daughter has gotten into so much trouble here. Its not that i don't want to move but moving won't help the problem just postpone it....and because of her past experiences in life she can't or won't see that. Not to mention I'm almost 40 and been dragged all over the world by my Father and his jobs....she just wants to dump everything and run and i refuse to start from scratch again simply because....I think our marraige is over, the pieces are too small and to broken to put back together again

I'm writing again and that is NEVER a good thing...

It means I'm having a episode.....they make me creative, artistic, and productive at the cost of everyone around me, i think i belong locked away behind safe soft padded walls or alone in the woods...

I wish i could say something to you both,
but where would i start?
I don't know what happened to us,
we were happy once.
you guys were my world,
i lived in your smiles and laughter,
you all swam in my veins.

I fell from grace in your eyes and hearts,
not until i hit bottom,
did i realize how far that really was,
i'm a sad lonely Little excuse for a man.

The men who did those horrible things to you,
was someone else,
not me...
but i have always paid the price.

I wanted something else for you, for me,
but, apparently i'm unworthy.
i still want these things,
but they remain out of reach,
and probably always will for me...

later hopefully...